Can unloving and uncaring environments create failure to thrive in the elderly?

Can unloving and uncaring environments create failure to thrive in the elderly? The Haven in Allyn Assisted Living / Long -Term Care Facility recently admitted this 97 year old man. He was on Hospice services for Failure to thrive. He was admitted November 5, 2010. When I went to do the initial assessment he could not open his eyes due to dried up mucous that was sealing them shut. He could not stay awake because he was so over medicated. According to the nurse that was giving me information this man was not waken up till lunch, but ate well. He was able to stay up for about 2 to 3 hours before being put back to bed because of pain. So this man ate one meal a day and was only out of bed from 1 to 3 hours a day. Basically,  he spent about 21 hours alone no people, no music, no food, and no love.

November 5 at 2:00pm we went to the facility to pick him up. He was very lethargic again lots of crust around his eyes. He had BM all up his back. We put him in a 1996 Cadilac and talked to him all the way to the Haven. He would answer us between naps. As soon as we got him back to the Haven we put him in the shower and shampooed his hair, he smiled the whole time. After the shower we feed him. We immediately started reevaluating the medication regime after the RN assessed him and discussed it with his MD. Now he start living the Haven life. He is gotten up about 7:30am showered and shaved dressed brought out to a warm dining room overlooking Mount Rainier and Case inlet. He is constantly greeted by cheerful caregivers. Lots of good food is set before him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All narcotics are on a prn bases. He began to talk, feed himself, assist with transfers and wanting to walk by day 10. He has also gained 2 pounds. Most of the pressure sores are healed and the crust in his eyes are all gone. He looks like a new man.

This is the 3rd time we have rescued a elderly person that was considered  'failure to thrive'. The first one lived 18 months after being given 72 hours to live, the second one 15 months, and now this man. There is a real problem in our system when it comes to caring for frail elderly people who are total care. Unfortunately most of them are over medicated and starved to death but we call it "failure to thrive". I beg to differ none of these 3 individuals were properly diagnosed. They all thrived and lived to laugh, smile, enjoy music, food, art, hugs, kisses, love and life at the Haven in Allyn.

My Witness 5-27-10

Today I witness why I'm in the Assisted Living / Long -Term care business. Do we believe we will never get old? Is that why we can ignore what we see when we visit a facility? Can we really ignore the terrible food and the smells? The less than respectful treatment. I went to visit a couple who lives in a facility in Silverdale. It is considered a " nice place". The couples room smells like urine. The gentlemen fell and was on the floor for three hours before anyone came in: and the only reason they came in then because it was time to get the women up and dressed for the day. The gentleman suffered some rug burns and a very swollen and sore right knee. He was not taking to the Doctor for evaluations. He is a diabetic and the edema around his knee concerns me. They invited me to have lunch with them, so I did. The food was absolutely terrible. It was unbelievably awful. I felt so sad when I left. I will be returning today to take this man to see his doctor. What is going on in our world? How do we sleep at night or look at ourselves in a mirror without vomiting? How do people work in places like this day after day as if this is acceptable? Do we think old people are invisible? Do we think they really deserve less than the best that could be given to them? How could we be so smart as a nation and so stupid to how old people are cared for? I'm so hurt right now and I'm not sure what to do. I can't ignore this couple's plight. I'm doing everything possible to move them into the Haven in Allyn. They visited the Haven and had lunch there three weeks ago. They cleaned their plates so fast that it was amazing, and some what interesting. I had no idea the type of food they are being served on a daily bases is so bad. They gentleman still remembers the brownies we served for desert. He said he had not had a brownie like that in years. He also remembered how beautiful it was there and how good it smelled and how clean it is. Everyone I do mean everyone comments on how nice it smells in the Haven. I could not imagine it being any other way. If we continue to live we will get old. You may require some type of assisted living care or long term care. Do you really want to smell like urine and eat awful food? Do you think you deserve that treatment because you are old? Do you think you will be unaware of your surroundings? You will be the way you are now just older. You will still enjoy the feeling of being clean after you take a shower. You will still enjoy the taste of good home cooked meals. You will still enjoy being treated with honor and respect. You will still want to be able to make your own decisions. These desires don't diminish or disappear as we age. If we don't stand up for our elderly community we will suffer the same fate. I'm not willing to do that. With the help of everyone who visits the Haven. I'm going to change the model of Assisted Living / Long Term Care. The Haven is a new model and my goal is that it becomes the standard for the industry. It is the kind of care everybody would want for themselves. It the kind of care I believe every human being deserves.

Advocate 5-28-10

Today I got a visit from the wife of a resident that previously stayed at the Haven in Allyn. She was inquiring on what she needed to do to bring her husband back. She has come t to me before about bring him back but she didn't follow though. Now I'm not sure what she is going to do. As we talk she still has the same issues with the other facility she had several months ago. Which includes awful food, high staff turnovers, getting only one shower a week, facility just generally not being a clean place. She tells me story after story of poor care and very bad food. I asked her to just taste the food and she said she would "never taste that food". Even though it is being served to her husband three meals a day 7 days a week. I told her that I could just choke her. Yes, I said this out loud. I also told her the impact that this type of care, food and environment had on his mind. That he was getting messages that he is not important or loved and how could she just allowed this. Yes, I asked this question out loud. She did answer, she just looked at me. She told me that she thinks people with dementia don't know the difference between good food or bad because they just eat for the calories. So, I asked why is she here at the Haven today and what can I do for her. She says she wants to bring her husband back because she is tired of driving so far to visit him. She said she is doing it for selfish reasons. As I began to discuss the kind of care and service we offer at the Haven and how much her husband would enjoy it and benefit and how he deserves this kind of care. I noticed I was advocating for him. I was pleading his case and speaking up for his rights. But, what I noticed is it was not making an impact on her at all because she did not really care about all of that. She is selfish and she wants to know "what's in it for me". I really was not communicating to her because my concerns were for his best interest. But, to be an advocate for him I should have been focus on her needs only. I learned a powerful lesson today about communication. In order to best advocate for the vulnerable seniors of the world I must understand what important to the decision maker, not necessarily whats in the best interest of the vulnerable senior. I love what I get to do for the residents and their family members at the Haven. We really do focus on what good for the residents first. We want to make them as happy as possible all the time. Needless to say this resident is moving back in a few days and for that I'm thankful. All the staff really loves him. And the day he left he was so hurt because he thought he had done something wrong. I'm glad God mad me with the heart of a caregiver.

Dementia talk with Ruth's Circle

Debra Jamerson spoke to a group of women who meet every third Monday for lunch. This group is called Ruth Circle. They meet at Longbranch Community Church in Longbranch, WA, it was founded in 1908. It's celebrating 102nd year. She spoke on Dementia, which is a topic that most people are interested in. Debra defined dementia and it's symptoms, what happens inside the brain of someone with Dementia, how to communicate with people who have Dementia and some things we can do to prevent dementia. The ladies were very interested as they asked a lot of questions and shared some of their personal experiences with Dementia. The group of women were fascinating, because they were mostly elderly and all were widows. They were all so beautiful and sharp. Still engaged in life and pursuing knowledge. Women are amazing creatures!

Annual Elders Conference

May 13, 2010 was a big day for the Haven in Allyn Assisted and long- term care, because we were one of the exhibitors at the Annual Kitsap Elders Conference. It was well attended. They were expecting 600. This was the first booth that the Haven in Allyn has done. I believe we made an impact. Tom and Debra talked to over 200 people. We pasted out 130 free lunch coupons. Gave out over 300 ink pens and lots of brochures. The keynote speaker Margie Jenkins, MSW, LPC, LMFT is nationally recognized for her work with end-of-life planning issues. The name of her speech says it all Live Bodacious and Finish Well. The Haven in Allyn was also made a member of Kitsap Alliance of Resources for Elders (KARE). This is a major accomplishment for the Haven in Allyn. This organization consist of group of professionals that are the absolute best in their field. There is Randy Hardin of Abiding Home Care, Attorney Richard Tizzano, Dr. Narinder Duggal of Liberty Bay Internal Medicine just to name a few. This organization is going to be very beneficial in giving the Haven in Allyn the exposure it deserves.

The Best

Today I pick up a elderly couple who lives at a facility, but they are considering moving into the Haven in Allyn. The wife has dementia and is incontinent and wheelchair bound. The husband is mentally sharp but very unsteady on his feet and he is a diabetic that require insulin injections daily. They were referred by a mutual friend. They were complaining to this friend that their rent was going up 21percent. When I arrived to pick them up they were waiting at the door. Their clothes were dirty. The women was wet, smelled and her face was dirty. When we first got to the Haven they were taken out of the car and sat down at the table for lunch. We took the lady and changed her wet brief and pants. Then brought to the table where they enjoyed a Cesar salad, chicken alfredo with fresh broccoli, fresh yellow zucchini and butter toast. They then have a brownie with walnuts topped with fresh strawberry and whipped cream. Today I also spoke with a lady who told me her mom is in a nursing home where she pays $9,000.00 a month. Her mom stays wet because there is not enough people who can take her to the bathroom especially at night. The Haven in Allyn really is a new model in Assisted living - Long term care. We provide on purpose dignity and honor to our residents. We really work for the money we are paid. We give more than we receive because we understand service and care. If your loved one is in a facility that they are not receiving the care they are paying for, move them out to the Haven in Allyn. We will take excellent care of them I promise.

Choices

I thought the whole idea of Capitalism and free trade, was we as consumers would have choices. Choices would cause greater competition and lower prices. I don't find this to be the case in Assisted Living - Long term care. I recently met several people both providers and consumers of Assisted Living - Long term care who shared, their experiences with me. They are paying so much more then what they would pay at the Haven in Allyn, but they are getting so much less. Facilities have said to me, We charge $2,000.00 a month more than the Haven in Allyn, but we don't nearly offer the care and the service you all do. Do the consumer think they don't have a choice? The Haven is a new model in Assisted Living - Long term care. We focus solely on what's good for the resident and their family. Our goal is to come along side of the family and assist as much as possible. This causes us to have different processes. We take care of the resident from the top of their head to the bottom of their feet. We provide all personal care items. We provide nursing care weekly and as needed. We provide transportation to MD appointment and accommodations to those appointment. Also, each resident care is managed by a RN case manager. All this and more is in our monthly rate. There are no additional charges by the facility. I hate the whole nickel and dimming thing that most facilities do. I think its tacky and the Haven is anything but tacky. We honor our seniors and we love caring for them. I know this kind of thinking is unique to the industry. The word and concept of service is so rare. It seem our world have forgot what it is. They don't expect to receive it. Most companies do what is good for them and what serves them at the expense of the customer. The whole spirit behind the Haven in Allyn is to serve our residents and their family. Our goal is to rewrite the rules for Assisted Living - Long term care. Help us share the message that there is a Haven in Allyn, consumers do have a wonderful choice.

Death sentence

 When most people began  to seek assisted living/ long term care arrangements, they  focus on cost as their number one concern. Recently, I ran into a lady at one of my speaking events . She told me that the reason her mom did not choose to live at the Haven in Allyn was because she was afraid of running out of money and having to move. So, her mom moved into a facility that promised  she could covert to Medicaid once she spent all her money. She moved in and the care was terrible, according to the daughter. The facility wrote in her negotiated service agreement, that they were the only one’s that could manage her oxygen. Not, the resident or her daughter. Her daughter said their was many time they did to respond in a timely manor and the mom would go prolong times without oxygen. This attributed to her mom having to be hospitalized twice. The daughter also witness, several mean caregivers on staff that made inappropriate statements regarding her mom. The mom eventually died only several months after living there, leaving the daughter and her brother a lot if money. How does anyone let their mom live in a negative, unhealthy, unloving, and uncaring environment to save money? The lady is now dead and the daughter and son are plague with the memory of their mom being poorly treated while they watched.
 Some decision to move into certain facility is a death sentence. Adult children must care enough to protect their parents. Do not close your eyes. The lady in the above story did say she reported this facility several times to DSHS, which is good but her mom is still no longer here. She is Dead.

Care givers take a break Please!

I recently ran into two caregivers that do not recive regular scheduled breaks. There is several problems with this but the one problem that bothers me the most is that the caregiver is tired, frustrated, irritated, and exhausted. When this happens they are not longer patient, kind or nice to the person they are caring for. Think about it, how would you feel if someone that you depended on for everything is mean and short with you for days, weeks, or months at a time. Its not like the person being cared for can leave or move out. They are stuck there with a mean caregiver. I do understand that care giving is not easy. It takes a lot a whole lot to care for another human being. But I also know that the person being care for deserves kindness, care, and respect at all times. This is a human right and I can not bear the thought of it being violated when there are solutions. I told the two caregivers how important it was for them to get a break. I also told them if they did not get regular breaks that they would not be nice to the person they are caring for and they both agreed that they were not nice at times. Some caregivers get put on a guilt trip by family member or even the person they are caring for even suggesting some rest and relation for themselves. But the fact of the matter is everyone benefit for respite care. At the Haven in Allyn we offer this service to our community and the results are amazing. Both the caregiver and the person being cared for get a break. They get a change in routine and scenery. At the Haven in Allyn we only hire and retain staff that love people especially seniors. We love helping them to the toilet, bathing them and dressing them. We love feeding them good food and lots of good deserts. We love making the environment look good and smell good just for them. We are honored to care for them and they know it. This is very different from what they are use to. They are so refreshed and happy. The caregiver feels so good about the whole experience, that they look forward to the next time. The next time is usually within the next few weeks. Its win for everyone. All you who read this blob please encourage caregivers to take regular schulde breaks. Let them know of the wonderful services offered at the Haven in Allyn

Haven in Allyn Is Home Away from Home » Kitsap Sun

Haven in Allyn Is Home Away from Home » Kitsap Sun

Some consequences of keeping your loved one at home to long

I have discussed the issues surrounding when it is time to place a loved one in a facility. I do understand the answer to that question is different for everyone. I also understand there is a lot of guilt and shame associated with making that decision as well. I would like to take the focus off of the loved one who is ill, requiring care and put the focus on the family member who is the caregiver.


It takes a lot to be a caregiver and not everyone is willing or able to take on such a demanding selfless role. Caregivers give everything they possible have and empty themselves for the sake of their loved one. Often caregivers forget who they were before they started to give care. Being a caregiver require you to serve another person who sometimes might not be very nice or appreciative, because of a cognitive disease or who they use to be. Caregivers are transformed over the caring process due to the ever-changing needs of care receiver. By the needs increasing, a demand is now placed that the caregiver gives more of themselves mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Too often caregivers are in a mode of just giving. They give up all their own interest, hobbies, friends, even their jobs. They make their loved one the center of their universe and everything revolves around giving everything to their loved one. The caregiver eventually becomes isolated from the world, their friends, and associations. They began to neglect their own health, appearance, and needs. Caregivers often feel guilty when they even think about taking a break of any kind. They go on like this for years.

Caregivers, listen to me because I care about you. If something happens to you who will take care of your loved one and you? Forget the idea you deserve a break. Ponder the truth if you don't take a break something is going to happen to you. How long do you really think you can go without rest, good healthy food, relaxation, socialist, friendships, seeing the doctor to address your own health concerns and needs? I have witnessed caregivers mentally and physically fall apart after their loved one is finally placed or die. The most recent tragedy was a woman who had taken care of her husband for years and at the same time totally negleted herself. Her husband died. Two weeks later, she passed also.

I hear people often say they feel so guilty when they think of their loved one in a facility. One of my residents husband was the primary caregiver for three years. He did not sleep because he was afraid that his wife would wander out of the door on to the highway. They lived on a busy highway. He finally made the decision to place her in the haven. She adapted great. She begin to eat, gained some weight, adjusted well to the new environment. The husband on the other hand is having all kinds of physical problems and early dementia. Caregiver must rest and take a break. Their life and health depends on it. If you take regular breaks you will be nicer, kinder, more patience and you will be able to take things less personally. A lot of time caregivers start becoming short with their loved one just because they are tired and frustrated. The surprising thing is both the caregiver and their loved one gets a vacation when you use adult daycare or a respite program. Take a cruise; let someone cater to you for 7 to 10 days. Get a massage, sit by the pool and read a book. Go to a comedy show and laugh. Go to New York for the weekend and take in a Broadway show and visit the museums. Spend the day at the spa. The possibilities are endless but the benefits are priceless. And yes you are so worth it.

The Haven offers both services, to meet the needs of the entire family. If your loved one stays at the Haven during respite don't be surprise when you come to pick them up they ask you to just leave them there. It has happen several times.

Mistreatment of the Elderly by omission.

Do not ignore the changes you see when you visit your mom or dad. You cannot brush things off when you sense something is not right. As loved ones age they change. The changes are subtle and most are a normal part of the aging process and need only your support. For instance, reading glasses. But when you notice weight lost, the need for a cane or walker, falling, dizziness, bruises, skin tears, wearing dirty clothes, dirty hair, poor housekeeping, piles of unopened mail, losing interest in hobbies, the need for assisted living and not taking their medications.

When you see any of the above mentioned start asking questions and investigate. Remember the changes were subtle so they might not be aware of what is happening or they may be in denial but still ask questions. If your aging loved one has a spouse beware that they will cover for them so take note, which could be going on.

The role of the adult child changes as parents’ age and require assistance. The changing role of the adult child is a natural progression. The adult child becomes the parent in a lot of ways. Prepare yourself; there are a lot of good resources available for the caregiver. Be proactive by getting siblings involved. This is the best time to discuss with your aging parent what their wishes are. This can be a good time to build a different kind of relationship or maybe repair any not so good relationship. Doing nothing is mistreatment by omission of the elderly.

Long term Care is not created Equal!!!

You really think it does not matter where your loved one stays at the end of their life? Where they spend their last years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds? Where they are when they take their last breath, the environment that there in? Do you think the mission statement of the facility really matters? When you have a loved one, who is vulnerable either because of a cognitive disease or a physical disability, you as the decision maker must do your due diligence to make sure your loved one is going to be well taken care of. One of the first questions people asks when they are seeking a place for their loved one is, the cost. This is not where you want to start the conversation. Do not allow this to be your major focus. Trust me, there are places where you will pay less, but you will be getting a lot less. Start with the mission statement of the facility. Do you agree with it? Are there some beliefs or ideas about vulnerable people that concern you? Do the mission statement and what you see and feel when you enter the facility agree? Unfortunately our society does not value elderly individuals who have progressive disorders such as dementia, diabetes, CHF, kidney disease, COPD, etc. Remember assisted living/ long term care facilities are an extension of our society. So don't take it for granted that places you think would value are loved ones do, because in reality a lot of them don't. This is a problem because these diseases are not going to go away anytime soon. Does an individual lose their value as a human being, because they have a chronic progressive disease which makes them vulnerable? How do you think your loved one should be treated, the last years of their life? Do you think it matters? All assisted living / long-term care facility are not the same.