Advocate 5-28-10

Today I got a visit from the wife of a resident that previously stayed at the Haven in Allyn. She was inquiring on what she needed to do to bring her husband back. She has come t to me before about bring him back but she didn't follow though. Now I'm not sure what she is going to do. As we talk she still has the same issues with the other facility she had several months ago. Which includes awful food, high staff turnovers, getting only one shower a week, facility just generally not being a clean place. She tells me story after story of poor care and very bad food. I asked her to just taste the food and she said she would "never taste that food". Even though it is being served to her husband three meals a day 7 days a week. I told her that I could just choke her. Yes, I said this out loud. I also told her the impact that this type of care, food and environment had on his mind. That he was getting messages that he is not important or loved and how could she just allowed this. Yes, I asked this question out loud. She did answer, she just looked at me. She told me that she thinks people with dementia don't know the difference between good food or bad because they just eat for the calories. So, I asked why is she here at the Haven today and what can I do for her. She says she wants to bring her husband back because she is tired of driving so far to visit him. She said she is doing it for selfish reasons. As I began to discuss the kind of care and service we offer at the Haven and how much her husband would enjoy it and benefit and how he deserves this kind of care. I noticed I was advocating for him. I was pleading his case and speaking up for his rights. But, what I noticed is it was not making an impact on her at all because she did not really care about all of that. She is selfish and she wants to know "what's in it for me". I really was not communicating to her because my concerns were for his best interest. But, to be an advocate for him I should have been focus on her needs only. I learned a powerful lesson today about communication. In order to best advocate for the vulnerable seniors of the world I must understand what important to the decision maker, not necessarily whats in the best interest of the vulnerable senior. I love what I get to do for the residents and their family members at the Haven. We really do focus on what good for the residents first. We want to make them as happy as possible all the time. Needless to say this resident is moving back in a few days and for that I'm thankful. All the staff really loves him. And the day he left he was so hurt because he thought he had done something wrong. I'm glad God mad me with the heart of a caregiver.